My journey through the CrossFit open 2014

It's complicated. First off, it's exciting and new and fun and a bunch of other warm and fuzzy things, including butterflies AND it sucked all at the same time. The first wod, 14.1 was scary. Mainly because of the unknown... how will I do? how will my friends do? how will this all go down? how will I compare to the rest of the athletes in my box? Then I did it. All of the fears of the open were fading. It wasn't so bad after all! Don't get me wrong, the workout was tough but all the other things going on in my head were finally getting quiet. I did pretty well, I was pleased with how I performed and my friends did well too! The second open wod, 14.2  I was away on a long weekend of snowboarding so I missed all the excitement at the gym. I did however make up the wod on Monday afternoon. It was annoying and a big disappointment since I have never done a chest to bar pull up. I managed to squeak out a couple during the warm up but during the actual wod they were all "no-repped" and I ripped my hand..  oh well, better luck next time. 14.3 now we are talking baby! I was scared a hell!! Prior to this moment my one rep max on a dead lift was 125 pounds. I was thinking... holy shit , I don't want to get hurt! With the intension of having the least amount of stress and pressure on myself I got to the gym early. I did the wod with two of the coaches before the heats were scheduled to start. My palms were sweating as all the athletes were piling in, all eyes on the three of us! I got into my zone with my back facing the small crowd of people. I actually got  much further than I ever expected! That week was a proud week. Then 14.4, my arch nemesis! Rowing and I are not best of friends. We are somewhat frenemies... The wind blowing and all that makes my mouth so dry and then I can't breathe and then it totally sucks!! Anyway, this wod I did not enjoy at all. I left the gym that day with tears of disappointment, got into the car and cried the entire drive to work and the entire drive home from work that evening. The next two days I self reflected A LOT. Why am I doing this? What is the point? I don't like competition. I am not doing well anyway. Why is my fun becoming stressful? I am filled with anxiety! I am jealous of others. I don't like these feelings and don't want them.  A few days later, with a newly found inner energy,  I reached an epiphany. I am in this for fun! I am in this for the community of CrossFit! I am in this to see how well I can do,  identify my weaknesses so that I can improve on them if I so choose... Then it all snapped back to reality. I am moderately happy with how I performed and now I have a decent base of where my weakness lie. There are many of them but at the same time there are many strengths too. I am proud to have participated in the open and I am so happy it's over. The open is closed and now I can get on with my life. I just want to workout and have fun, encourage myself and others to get a little better every day in strength of mind and body.